Let me see my Isa rollll!

What a treat to see my daughter roll completely from her back to her stomach this morning! I've seen her do a halfway roll from back to side but not the full 360. Of course I HAD to take a picflic of it. This is a huge milestone for her. It was on cue too. As soon as I asked her to roll she did. Or at least that is what I'd like to think. It doesn't hurt to think your kid is the smartest kid in the universe, right? Another new cute thing she is doing is smacking her lips or munching on them so that she can make these cute wet spongy noises. At this age EVERYTHING they do seems cute right down to the grunting noises they make when they are having a bowel movement. I know I've said this before but I will say it again anyways. It is so neat to see her do something new each day. However, gone are the days of leaving her on the activity mat alone so that I could use the bathroom. I actually found myself positioning a small mirror on the floor and leaving the bathroom door open so that I could keep an eye on her while I was on the think tank. Is that paranoia or just trying to be safe? Now that she can turn and roll, I am afraid she may do something to hurt herself. I used to be able to prop her up on the boppy while I cook dinner but I found out last week that this will have to stop because she knows how to scoot herself off or lean herself back over it. I guess the more freedom they gain the less we will have. Funny how that works.

WoW Widow

I was in denial but after weeks of going to bed by myself, I've come to the hard cold realization that I am now a WoW widow. I should have listened to the warnings of my sister-in-law when my husband's brother bought him this game as a chance for them to bond. She warned me that it was very addicitve but I took it lightly, thinking he needed to replace the Myth game he had been playing over and over for 6 years. I am partially to blame. I urged him to check the game out. After all, his brother had spent his hard earned money to buy it and was probably anxiously waiting for him to start it. Besides, him and his brother needed something to have in common. What an idiot I was. Boy, I might as well have pulled the trigger- same thing. It didn't bother me at first because this was his way of "decompressing" from work. However, it is slowly starting to reach my boiling point. I am probably walking on thin ice by talking about this but I really need to vent my frustrations somewhere. Can you believe there are actually WoW widow support groups out there? My daughter is too young to be an "Orgrimmar orphan." They need to put a warning label on the packaging of that game that states "This could be hazardous to the health of your relationship." I have to give him credit though. He does try to squeeze in some quality time with us, but I can't help but feel jealous. What does that game have that I don't have? There must be some built in hypnotizing or cult like ingredient. The people who play these things do try to get other people to join. I've seen my husband trying to get his sister to join in. It eerily feels like "Invasion of the Body Snatchers." How do I fight this thing? How do I become as equally seductive so I don't lose him forever? This is such a hilarious predicament I am in. Other women lose their husbands to the arms of a beautiful woman. I think I am losing mine to a computer game.

I've lost that lovin' feeling

I think I've lost that loving feeling for my dog Bailey. I haven't stopped taking care of him. I still feed him, bathe him, give him his flea and heartworm medicine, keep him updated on his vaccines, and take him out for walks when I go out with Isa. However, as my husband has repeatedly and disapprovingly told me, I don't give him any attention anymore. Ever since the baby was born, ALL my attention has diverted to her. We actually tried to heed to the pet expert's advice by getting him used to her scent by letting him sniff her blanket, having him sniff and lick her feet when we brought her home, trying not to act anxious when he came around to smell her, and petting him when he was around us but Bailey still showed the ill effects of bringing a baby home by soiling our new shag rug multiple times (while my mom was a guest at that-how embarrassing!) Top that off with the new scratches and lick marks on the living room sofa and the claw marks on the curtains, I have not found it easy to show affection towards him like I used to. I wonder if this is uncommon behavior for a new mother who has pets? I was never one for having pets in the first place. My husband was the one that wanted to have a dog more than I did. He was always trying to bring me to puppy stores when we first got married. He brought Bailey home shortly thereafter to console me when he had to leave me to visit his family for Christmas. I grew up in a household that did not allow shoes in the house let alone dogs. I learned to love Bailey and he became a pseudo replacement for a child that we thought we would never get to have. Now I am struggling with trying to love him again. However each time I try to let my guard down, he does something naughty like vomit on the carpet, drop feces all over the dining room while I am trying to get him to go outside, or wake up Isa with his barking after I've gotten her to go to sleep. This does not sit well for my type A and "dirtaphobic" personality. I DO feel guilty about it and I DO want to be affectionate towards him again but now that Isa is here, it has been a difficult thing to do. I cannot let go of the fear that he may one day hurt her. Ever since we had left him in Charleston to go on one of our trips, he has not done well with children. I don't know if I can let this go or even if I should. I think Isa's safety comes first but am I compromising it by behaving this way? I feel guilt for wanting my sister-in-law to take him when she buys her house. I will try again to be loving and patient towards him. I just pray that he does not do anything to hurt my little girl because she will always come first before him.

Is it too early to tell?

As she looks at herself in the mirror she smiles and shyly buries her face into my chest. I wonder if this is a clue to her identity. Is she going to be a shy person when she grows up? Has she inherited my quiet introverted personality instead of her father's outgoing nature? She took on switching from breast to bottle with little fuss. I hope this means that she won't be a finicky eater. She only took a day to get use to me being at work. Does this mean that she will be very adaptable to the changes life will bring? Is it too early to tell what kind of person she will be by the little glimpses of her that she shows us each day? It looks like she likes to be hugged and kissed. I hope she has taken on her father's affectionate behavior instead of my reserved one. I wonder how much of her personality is already "built in" versus what she will model from us. Either way I hope she only takes what is best from the both of us. I hope that it's not just wishful thinking.

Bittersweet...

I heard her laugh for the first time yesterday. It wasn't just one of her little squeals but a wholesome little girl bubbly laugh. It was so infectious that I started laughing too. I immediately tried to call Erick to share this moment with him but of course she would not repeat it again. I tried to capture it on film but my attempts to elicit another giggle were futile. I think this is one of the most amazing things about parenthood is watching your child blossom. They truly do. It's like watching a plant grow from a seedling to a flower. Everyday you stumble upon something new. It's a good thing that somebody invented the digital camera or I would be running out of film everyday trying to capture all her "first:" The first time she made a "poo-poo" face, the first time she smiled, the first time she started sucking her thumb, the first time she started cooing, the first time she started playing with her activity mat,
the first time she was able to hold her head up, the first time she was able to hold her bottle,
to the first time she started playing with her toes. You almost can't wait to see what she will be able to do next. It is a little bittersweet, though, because in the back of your mind, you can't help but think how fast she is growing and how time is just flying by.

I want to remember this moment...

I watch my daughter sleeping and all I could think of is that I want to remember this moment... She is 4 months old today and I feel like time has gone too fast. I was at work yesterday and my husband called me to tell me she just had her first laugh. I don't want to miss anything she does for the first time. This is one of the reasons why I did not want to put her in daycare. I don't want to be told by someone else that she said her first word or did her first step. I want to be there for it all. I think this is why I finally got motivated to actually start blogging. When I did my first entry 2 years ago, it was half hearted. I had wanted to document the trips that we had taken, the places we had seen. But this has more meaning. Now I want to chronicle every little thing she does. I might not get another chance. Hopefully this will help me savor the moment.
I remember the joy of seeing her actually smile at us for the first time. Not the "passing gas" smile but the "Good Morning Isa" smile. I love it when she looks at herself in the mirror and smiles shyIy. I love it when she finds that comfortable spot in the crook of my arms and falls asleep. I remember how nice it felt when she use to try to nuzzle on my chest. I love to watch the ever changing expressions on her face especially when she sleeps...that big toothless grin or how about when she raises her left brow. It makes me wonder if babies dream and if they do what do they see. She has this curious look about her when I walk her around the house like she is trying to figure things out. I love it when she kicks her legs when she gets excited. I love it when she tries to talk to you with all her "ah goos" and "oh yeahs." I like to think we are actually having a conversation. I love it when she stretches or still keeps her legs tucked in a fetal position when she sleeps. I love to hear her squeal when she is watching her mobile. We were delighted when she found her thumb and started soothing herself. Now she has found her feet as well. I love watching her splash in the tub. I love how she falls asleep so peacefully when I breastfeed her. As pathetic as it may seem, I even love remembering how happy we felt when she had her first poop or how funny it was when one of her explosions hit me in the face while I stood at the end of the changing table watching my mom clean her. I am tickled everytime I hear how loud and adult like her fart sounds.
I get this knot in my throat whenever I think about her...how blessed we are that we have been given this chance. I hope that I will raise a happy child. I hope that she will feel how much we love her and how much joy she has brought to us already. I thought that it was just a cliche' when people said that having a baby will change your life. But it's true. It changes your life for the better...

Like anything precious, we should handle them with tender loving care

I can't believe it has been 2 years since I blogged. I wanted to restart this two days ago because I felt compelled to document all the wonderful things that I see Isa doing everyday. Instead today I feel like I need an outlet to say all the things that are inside that are making me feel so sad. Why are we the most hurtful to our loved ones? No matter how cruel people get we can still find it in ourselves to hold back and be polite. Yet, with our loved ones, there seems to be no mercy. It should be the other way around. Like anything precious, we should handle them with tender loving care. It saddens me to think that we show more respect to complete strangers. We care more about not hurting OTHER people's feelings. I always say that life is too short. We never know what will happen from one day to the next so you should never go to bed angry. In the heat of the moment, we let our emotions get the best of us forgetting that the things you say may be the last things they hear.